This Is How It Goes

Well, considering the last post that I made that I thought was completely eaten actually showed up on my humble abode (see below) I guess I have my faith restored in this wonderful thing called "the Blog". The therapy has proven rather wonderful, and I realize now more than ever that people think they understand me, have me pegged, but really are only using me as a scratching post. Thankfully, none of them read this, so I can be as harsh as I want.

People get jealous of you when you actually can be a fine, upstanding citizen... they curse you for it, even. They tell me that I don't know them, and indeed I don't, but that shouldn't stop anyone from trying to understand one another... but those people only judge me for the way I am, telling me I'll never understand them, pushing me away because I see things differently, without even trying to see my point of view... so I sever these people for my own sanity. I will not be an unsung hero for someone who throws their life away anyway... its like being a doctor for a suicidal patient... there becomes a point where enough is enough.

So, dear friends (who incidentally will never read this) you have made me suffer enough and I say, with the deepest regret, screw you all... no more. I will be happy, and you are a hindrance, and there are many people who would rather support my happiness than tear me down, so I turn to them and will give THEM the energy they deserve.

So I move on from that topic to those who deserve my energy. To these people, who I will name by name even though some of them don't read this (I think I will give them the address after writing this, for those who don't have it) but I thank the following people for being supportive of my happiness, the people who always thought of me and never forgot me, the people who only wanted to see me smile:

Kim (this is an edit after she took me back: don't do that again! I have my limits, and it isn't hard to meet them, so just don't do anything strange, and we'll be fine)
Krystal (random coffee-chats rule, I'll miss those)
Jen (you are always there when I need you, and you never make me feel down)
Mark (yeah you big lug, you always are their for me)
Steve (we don't talk much, but you're a good friend)
Jessica (you always looked out for me, even though you never said yes to all my proposed dates :p )

Hmm... okay so the list might not be huge, but these are the people who have never hurt me, who have never belittled me or made me feel down to make themselves feel more free or just generally better. There are people who borderline on this list who I did not mention... because I'm still really debating with myself whether they deserve my attention or not. Their friends spoke hurtful things to me on behalf of them, and I'm still awaiting their own words.

But the list above are people who, whenever they need me, I will be there, people who if I hear bad things about, I will simply disbelieve unless they personally tell me its true. These people enjoy a special privilege: they get to see the real me. Flaws and all.

I think seeing all that I have to offer is a special privilege :) I think I am capable of great things, given the chance.